I Love You Like Mice Love Cheese…
Yesterday was a rainy day. You know me, I love cozy rainy days. I curled up on my couch and started to fill up my son’s baby book while sipping on a cup of tea. This week’s page was to write a letter, so I wrote a letter to my son. Since Mother’s day is almost here, I thought sharing my letter with you is a good choice just to share something in common to you and me whether you are a mother of a human or an animal (I am a mother of both). Hope you will inspire to write one to your children too if you haven’t done yet.
My dear precious son,
It’s been almost two years you have been in our life. Sometimes feels like you were born few days ago, and sometimes feels like I’ve been known you forever. I remember one snowy day your dad and I found out we were going to have you. Dad and I were so happy. I smiled and cried at the same time because I couldn’t bear the happiness only by smiling. Me or dad didn’t know what to expect or how it’s going to be having a baby and all that but we wanted to give and do the best we could .
Pregnancy journey was very exciting and had some rough times too. Your dad was always there to do anything to keep me safe and comfortable.Together we passed 10 months and a week until you get here. The aches I felt mentally and physically, the loneliness I felt being home by my own when dad was away, the things I avoided for your safety, the labor pain I had to go through all were worth at the end.It really did.
Dad welcomed you first, and came to me and told, “we got a beautiful son”. I probably were the 4 th or 5 th to welcome you. It’s only because I was overwhelmed by the process I went through. I didn’t have any energy even to look at you properly when dad brought you to me. After having labor pain for more than a day, having three epidurals, and finally going through c-section made me exhausted. Since I couldn’t bear the pain any more, I begged doctors to take me to c-section. I remember your dad asked me, ” Is it ok if I go and welcome our son even though I know you need me by your side,” I said, ” Of course, that’s what I want you to do. Be with him, and let him feel he is safe because he only knows you and me “. You weighed 9.5Lbs, and was very healthy. Both dad and I couldn’t be any happier.
Looking at your sweet little face with exhausted mind and body made me stronger and energizer. You really did heal my broken spirit and all the pain. Dad and I were sitting on the hospital room bed holding you and had little emotional moments to digest this wonderful miracle we created together.
The next new chapter of our life has begun. You are the most incredible gift we ever got, and we get to open more exciting gifts everyday through you. Not a single day goes by without thinking how lucky we are to be your parents.you are such an amazing little boy I’ve ever seen.
Even though the beginning didn’t have so much beauty with all the postpartum depression and all the advises, opinions of people, I learnt to believe in my self so much through them. Your cute little smile made everything better. It still does.
Being the youngest in my family and not having much experience of life made me little nervous but with your dad’s continuous support, I found so much courage. Soon I could manage to do everything by my self when your dad was away to work. Still there are times I get stress out, have a messy home, and cry to myself not being able to do everything by myself but I get up and try harder because I don’t want to give up on you or on our family.
You are the one who gives me the hope, strength, and patience along this journey. I am very grateful to you for making the best version of me as a mother and a human being. I’ve learnt so much about life, love, and compassion because of you. I’ve learnt to be patient, to be strong( I was the person never went to a room by myself at night until very recent), to be fearless,to be more kind, to be efficient, to think twice and more positive things really. I know I have so much to learn along the way too but I can promise you It’s only going to be better.
Every milestone you passed,I watched you happily and very proudly. First cry,smile,tooth, word, step, food and many more things to discover too. I just want to protect you from the toxic things that can destroy your pure innocent mind. I am going to be that mother who protects you until you can notice the difference between your grandmother and wolf.
Every single step along the way I’ll be there for you to hold you, to inspire you, to guide you, to protect you, to support you, and to love you with all my heart. Not just when you need it the most but everyday of your life.
We both have a bond that no one can understand but just us that hard to put into words. You are the only person who knows how my heart beats inside.
You won’t remember how I put you to bed with lots of kisses and prayers. you won’t remember the tickle games, peek a boo games I did with you but I know you going to grow up to a happy young man which will make my heart very happy.
After I put you to bed, I always worried about you being alone but I want you to learn things that your mommy didn’t get a chance to learn. Your mommy wants the best for you . Middle of the night you wake up. When I come to grab you, I see this cute little boy standing on the crib with the binky in his tiny mouth, pillow on one hand and the little bunny on the other hand. That makes me laugh and feel so happy to take you to us. We are happy to have you with us, and you bath in all our kisses and hugs including from your brother Kyle. 🙂
Every single night before go to bed I ask myself that “Am I a good mother to him? Did I tell him enough that I love him? Did I make him happier today than yesterday? How can I be a better mother to him?.” Same time I understand that one day I have to let you go, and I want you to know that I am not going to hold you. I just want you to be happy.
All the memories we make along the way are going to be my happy place, and I will hold them for both of us.( because you won’t remember some of them). I am willing to give up anything for your dad, Kyle, and you.I asked the best husband and I got, I asked the happiest dog and I got. I asked the cutest son and I got. May I tell that I am one of the luckiest woman/mother in the world.
I am not asking you to follow in my footsteps, take the path next to me and go further than I could have ever dreamed of possible. I already know that you are going to be an amazing person. Someday when the pages of my life end, one of the most beautiful chapter I have wrote together with your dad will be you, and that will make me happy and peaceful.
I love you to the moon and back and forever and ever and ever my little pumpkin.
Happy Mother’s Day to All Moms in This World and All Moms in Heaven !!!